Differentiating Love and Attachment
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Love is a beautiful, complicated thing. True love with another should empower you in new ways as you reach deep levels of connection, understanding, and empathy with another person. But, as we all know, it’s not that easy.
Particularly after a breakup, it’s easy to be confused. Odds are things didn’t end with you being madly engaged and in love with your former significant other. Your mind is spinning, trying to figure out what the next phase of your relationship life will bring and it’s easy to look for love in the wrong places.
I feel it’s important to differentiate and define love and attachment as you go down this path. They can be really tricky to distinguish, particularly when your head isn’t completely right.
True love starts with yourself. Now that may sound ego-centric and selfish, but I assure you it’s not. In order to build a loving relationship with another human, you must first love yourself completely.
Independence and autonomy are crucial. You should have your own purpose and passion regardless of who you are with. If you seek love to fill a void in your life that’s been carved out by insecurity, pain, fear, or loneliness. If you are coming from a place of neediness and dependence, your relationship will turn into one based on attachment.
When you’re attached to somebody, it’s almost like a drug. You’re dependent on them to fulfill your happiness. When they’re gone, you’re not content. If they leave you, you have withdrawal.
It’s not only unhealthy for you, it’s not great for the significant other as you’ll start to manipulate them in order to get your fix. If the relationship is based on a craving(emotional or physical), it will without a doubt, end in suffering.
True love with another begins with a solid foundation of self-love and independence. Once that is achieved, two complete people can create an amazing relationship that amplifies and empowers each others lives in unparalleled ways.
It creates a connection based on selflessness, empathy, understanding, and compassion. When it’s love, it’s all about the other person. You’re putting their needs before you as opposed to attachment which is more self centered.
To zoom out even further it’s interesting to keep in mind how Buddhists view love. As opposed to love between two people, Buddhism calls for love for everything and everyone around you. An ongoing sense of gratitude for the earth and the beings that inhabit it.
Everyone and everything deserves love. Go through your day acknowledging that. The mailman, the woman checking out your groceries, your boss, the old man sitting on the porch. Each and every one of us deserves love.
So, that’s what it’s all about. Jerry Maguire’s famous quote, “you complete me” is total BS. First you have to fulfill and complete yourself, truly loving everything about your life. This should come from a place of gratitude and an appreciation and love for the world around you.
Once you have reached that state, you’re ready for significant other to amplify your life in amazing ways. Seek love, not attachment, and be aware of the differences as you navigate single life.