Journaling, or Gournaling if you’re a Wet Hot American Summer fan, is an amazing practice with immense benefits.  I first started my journal back in October, 2014. 

Through all of the articles self improvement I had read, several of them instructed their readers to pop open a notepad and document thoughts and feelings. 

It was kind of weird at first.  There’s a bit of a leap of faith in becoming more vulnerable as you are directly confronting your thoughts and channeling them externally.  It’s great first step towards embracing vulnerability. 

I was fresh off of a breakup with tons of thoughts flying around a mile a minute.  I felt like I couldn’t really productively move in a new direction.  

Emotional vulnerability is a tough concept for bros to embrace.  It opens you up to potential heart break, rejection, judgment, and ridicule.  Say exactly what I mean?  Pull back the veil on my thoughts and emotions?  What will everyone think?   

There’s a perceived inherent risk which typically trumps opening up.  Most dudes abide by this risk and instead opt for bottling up their feelings and emotions.  Not healthy.

Especially when you are just coming off of a bad break up, there is a strong desire is to shield yourself from any future pain and sorrow.  But, you have to fight past that.  You’re at an amazing place where you can truly dig deep, rediscover, and redefine who you are. Being vulnerable can help you get there.

There’s an array of amazing things that are unlocked when you put yourself out there.  Let’s break them down.

fter a breakup, or really in any depressed state, the first inclination is to retreat to your comfort zone, that being one or more scenarios where you truly feel at comfort without anxiety or worry. 

For me, it’s eating a pizza and watching old episodes of The Office.  But, as much as Michael Scott’s awkward banter and a slice of Papa John’s put me in a happy place, there’s little to gain from this Netflix binge session. 

Seeking too much comfort is a dangerous proposition.  There’s actually a healthy amount of anxiety required to grow, whether it’s emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.  You have to learn to embrace that feeling of knowing what you’re about to do extends beyond your level of comfort, and diligently push forward.

So, what do we do to get started?  I’m not suggesting you immediately go and jump out of a plane(although that would be a good way to confront your fear of heights).  This is not about becoming an adrenaline junkie, but rather seeing what you’re capable of.

You’re ready to get back in “the game” and meet some new women.  Well, where exactly is the best ball park for this metaphoric game?  The first inkling is always to head straight to the most happening new bar in your area.

You grab a couple of bros after work.  Kick back a shot of liquid Fireball and embark on a happy hour that’s sure to be filled with beautiful babies. 

The issue is, that there are likely dozens of other bros with a similar gameplan heading to that exact same bar.  End result is a bro-fest of epic proportions, maybe a 80-20 split.

I’m often asked if there’s such thing as “love at first site.”  That blinding realization that hits you like a bolt of lightning that this is the person you were meant to be with.

I’ve talked to several couples that describe the moment they first locked eyes when they knew for sure this was the one they were destined to be with.  Others couples didn’t have that immediate kismet sensation, but still have a lasting, loving relationship.  

So what is it about our obsession with achieving love at first site?  To break this down, I think you have to look at chemistry vs. compatibility.  Chemistry is what I’ll define as that instant connection you feel where as compatibility is the longer term prospect of an enduring relationship based on common interests, values, and goals. 

Online dating.  A phrase that for a long time carried with it negative connotations of people who can’t make it in the real dating scene, so they hide behind the veil of the internet in their quest to meet that perfect someone.  The sites were pegged as dangerous, a waste of time, and something that only unattractive people utilize.  Erroneous.  Erroneous on all accounts.

Digital dating has broken through these stereotypes with the rapid emergence of the App dating phenomenon.  It’s now completely mainstream.  When any of my friends breakup, they immediately hop onto these apps, plug in a quick profile and start swiping away.

There are pros and cons, but it’s a surefire way to increase the amount of girls you meet up with.  When you’re ready to start dating again, it’s all about repping through as many coffee and cocktail dates as possible and applying your filter.